


you are my everything (broken and healed)

by Catherines_Collections



Series: take me as you will [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Requited Love, i know i was shocked too, they all just love eachother a lot okay, three player game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 10:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11918790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catherines_Collections/pseuds/Catherines_Collections
Summary: The realization is unlike most things in their lives recently: quiet and soft and so overwhelming Christine thinks she may be choking on it.(On the way Michael smiles at them in the mornings when he meets them in study hall, the way Jeremy takes her hand whenever they are walking together, the way Jeremy leans into Michael whenever his best friend is close enough, and the way Michael leans back.)It’s so so quiet and she wants to laugh as much as she wants to cry.





	you are my everything (broken and healed)

**Author's Note:**

> I know....it's happening...i wrote something ( a sequel none the less!) for requited love having to do with Michael Mell. I'm shocked too. But, i like it a lot and really hope you enjoy!
> 
> BIG thanks to @loveinamaltshop who helped me get this off the ground! I could not ask for a better headcanon buddy! You are the very best and thank you for being awesome!
> 
> I own nothing, please enjoy!

In retrospect, she thinks, it starts when she sees Michael asleep by Jeremy’s bedside in the hospital. When the blood starts rushing through her ears and how her chest tightens when she sees Michael resting a hand on top of Jeremy’s pale limp one.

That’s the earliest she can recall, the small smile Michael had gifted her when she returned later - because it was too intimate of a moment for her to intrude on, and she had found herself blushing despite herself upon entering the room - and dropped the flowers into a vase by Jeremy’s bed, but she thinks it may have been longer.

When she thinks about it all - play rehearsal and the SQUIP and how everything seemed so easy before it became so hard - she realizes she’s never felt as safe as she has in Jeremy’s arms with Michael beside them.

This, she knows, is where it really starts.

.

She doesn’t make Michael talk about it - about how he’s looked at his best friend like he’d marry him on the spot if he could for the past four years, and maybe for longer because she’s only recently started looking - and he doesn’t bring it up

But one time, buried in Michael’s basement for game night and with enough sugar, bad snack foods, and something else she can’t really name flooding her system, she gains the confidence to reference it.

“You should probably talk about it,” she tries, quiet and careful and as nonchalant as she can be. 

Jeremy has gone to retrieve the pizza from the front door upstairs and she continues to beat Michael at Mario Kart - where she was beating both of them before - as she awaits a response.

Michael doesn’t look away from the screen, only tilts his controller and lets a self-deprecating smile play on his lips.

“Yeah,” he starts, half a laugh and half something so much sadder, “we probably should.”

The sound of the game is the only noise in the room until Jeremy returns, pizza in hand, and Michael’s relaxed form with him.

For a moment, she can't hear anything over the heart beating in her chest. 

.

That, in retrospect, was definitely a sign.

.

At first, none of them notice. 

Recently everything has become so routine, and they have all grown to love the mundane in such a way that they fade into it: allow themselves to be overtaken by bad snack foods and old video games.

The realization is unlike most things in their lives recently: quiet and soft and so overwhelming Christine thinks she may be choking on it. 

(On the way Michael smiles at them in the mornings when he meets them in study hall, the way Jeremy takes her hand whenever they are walking together, the way Jeremy leans into Michael whenever his best friend is close enough, and the way Michael leans back.)

It’s so so quiet and she wants to laugh as much as she wants to cry because it’s all just so much and she doesn’t think it’s anything any of them are ready for: not right now, not so soon after the SQUIP, after everything.

So she reminds herself to breathe, takes the bag of cheetos back from Michael and sticks her tongue out at him when he pouts, and leans back into Jeremy who is laying his feet in Michael’s lap.

(Christine fell into game nights the way she fell into everything else: smooth and easily and with plenty of trash talk to back her up.)

She nuzzles into his neck and swallows it all down when he leans back in and reaches a hand down to run his fingers through Michael’s hair.

She wants to say none of it is fair, but then again-

She thinks it’s about time someone made something in all of their lives fair.

.

It’s after too many sleepless nights of deliberation and hours spent calculating every possible risk and outcome that she finally brings it up to him.

Whether something comes of it or not, she knows healthy relationships are built on communication: on both ends.

So it’s two Saturdays after their second date that she invites him back to the park and they find themselves sitting side by side on the same bench she and Michael had sat on. Half of her wants to laugh at the sheer absurdity of the coincidence, and the other half of her wonders if is really a coincidence.

It’s after their light conversation stalls to a halt that she takes a deep breath, inhales the cool air blowing her hair in every direction other than the one she wants, and starts.

“He loves you, you know.” Christine says, quiet where the world around them is too loud. She feels Jeremy stiffen next to her and shifts slightly closer, brushing an arm against his. 

She thinks it’s funny how she doesn’t have to specify: how they both just know. Know that like they know this conversation was only a matter of time. With anyone, besides Michael, he chose to date.

“I’m not blind, Jeremy,” she sighs and allows a gentle smile to grace her lips as she turns to face him, “and you are not dumb.”

She doesn’t add  _ or that  _ _oblivious_  to her statement because then she thinks of the small smiles Michael had given him on their second date, the gentle way he had ushered them on, and the careful way he had held himself back, and her throat thickens. 

“He loves you,” she starts again, “and you love him and that’s just how it’s always been, and how it will always be.”

She thinks it’s fitting now, that they are having this conversation in the same park they had their second date in, where Michael had drifted slightly behind. 

When she looks back, all of the color has drained from Jeremy’s face and she feels the bench vibrate slightly from how badly he’s begun to shake. She reaches forward and takes his hand in hers, flashing another small smile. 

She can see the rebuttal forming on his tongue, the way his brain rushes to deny everything she’s just said, and sees how the words get lost somewhere between his wondering frantic brain and trembling lips: how something in his denial seems to have gotten lost in translation and her heart warms because it’s just so  _ Jeremy  _ and it feels something like home.

She cuts him off before he can speak.

“You love him, and he loves you, and-” she stops, looks down, takes a breath _ ,  _ and squeezes his hand tighter, letting out a breathless laugh when he squeezes back. She lets her eyes rise back up to his after a minute and keeps her smile small when she sees the earnest way he’s gazing at her.

“You love him and he loves you and that’s okay,” light breath and then, “because I love both of you.”

She doesn’t even notice she’s crying until Jeremy is wiping something wet from her eyes and maybe she would be embarrassed if she wasn’t so overwhelmed: so half-heartbroken already.

Jeremy leans closer and she realizes she’s scared. So scared about what he is going to say. What if he thinks he’s not enough because she wants him  _ and  _ Michael: not just him? What if he thinks she likes Michael better? What if he takes the proposal the wrong way and thinks she’s only offering for sex, or pity or-

Jeremy leans closer and brushes her cheek so softly she thinks she might begin to cry all over again from that alone.

“Christine,” he murmurs, and when she looks closer she can see a light sheen spreading over his eyes and that his face has finally seems to regain some of its color and he’s stopped shaking, as evident by the still hand carefully caressing her cheek; like she’s some fragile thing on the edge of breaking. 

It’s a touch, in all its reverence, he reserves for Michael. 

She’s seen it, remembers brief glances in eighth grade. Two boys sitting on the sidelines laughing quietly and huddled close, hands brushing too close and often to mean anything other than some form of intimacy: a level of protection, love.

(She remembers a red hoodie hiding in the corner of her eye and blue eyes blending with lockers and two types of laughter that when blended became a symphony. She thinks it's insane that everything she’s ever wanted has been right in front of her the whole time. She thinks it's insane it took her this long to realize it.)

If she wasn’t crying before, she is now. 

“Do you- do you really mean it?” Jeremy asks, eyes lighting up with something like hope but still holding traces of wariness at the edges, and they can both hear the question underneath.

_ Do you really love him? Do you mean it? Because you can't do this to him: you can't risk him like this.  _

Because they both know they can’t do this if she doesn't mean it - both know how bad it would break him, how he would shatter into a million pieces and land at their feet - but at the same time she has never been so sure of anything in her entire life, and she needs him, them, to know that.

So when she nods before leaning forward to kiss Jeremy, she hopes he gets it: gets that she is all in, with both of them, for as long as life will allow.

And when they meet, mouths curling widely at the sides and bright joyful breathless laughs colliding, she thinks he might and something in her chest soars.

.

They don’t plan for it when it finally does happen.

They don’t plan for that night anyway. They had anticipated at least another week of warming Michael up to the idea before they actually presented an approach, Jeremy first always, but everything just seems to align: too many signs given to be ignored.

It starts with playing old games in Michael’s basement, the way Michael leans over into Jeremy’s bean bag while Christine is half sitting in Jeremy’s lap; the way the moonlight from the window catches his white teeth when he tilts his head back from laughing at one of Christine’s jokes, and the way Jeremy watches his throat.

Jeremy glances at her - nearly pleading and gosh does she love this beautiful boy - and she nudges him, and it’s just so easy for Jeremy to lean a little too close to Michael and for Christine to fall into his lap as he leans even closer to reach for Michael’s lips.

It’s chaste, a mere brush, and silent but for the eighties game theme music playing in the back, and Christine’s breath hitches when their lips finally connect.

In this second, it’s beautiful hopeful heaven before hell.

The next moment, everything is a blur of movement. 

Michael scrambles back like he’s been burnt, tripping over his own feet as he tries to stand and move as far from them as he possibly can, and ends up backed against his TV while they are jumping up off of the couch.

His face, for once, is one of raw emotion. No more keeping everything hidden beneath the surface. They get a full view of the emotions flickering across it. The fear and betrayal in the quivering of his lips, the anger hiding in the furrowing of his brows, and the horror etched into nearly everything else.

“What the fuck.” Michael says, gaze flitting between them both and the exit behind.  

Finally, when he realizes he’d have to run by them to leave, his gaze settles on her: anger and a faint trace of betrayal lingering behind.

“What the fuck."

“It’s not-” she starts, scrambling because they had calculated for a miscommunication but never this kind of confused horrified anger.

“I didn’t tell him,” she settles on, because she didn’t - not about the hidden feelings and their secret conversations - but still feeling like she’s somehow made the wrong decision when Michael  _ flinches  _ like he’s been slapped.

“We thought you might want to try it with us!” Jeremy intervenes, voice nervous but earnest, “I mean, after tagging along with us on the date.” And as soon as it’s out Jeremy is cringing and she can see he wants to take it back.

“Oh,” Michael starts, fake realization dawning and anger climbing, “so you were doing me a favor?”

“No! That's not-” Jeremy starts but he's cut off by Michael’s laugh. 

It's sad and angry and so lost that they freeze, afraid of the damage they may cause by stepping any closer. 

Michael covers his face with his hands and sighs. 

“Look just, just leave okay? I don't need any favors and we can all pretend this didn't happen just-” he takes a breath and they can hear the watery desperate edge to his voice, “just leave. Get out of here, okay? Go.”

Jeremy hesitates, reaches a hand out before smacking it down, and makes a pained noise. 

Jeremy turns to look at her pleading for something she can understand immediately in his eyes, and it’s a split second decision but one that needs to be made, and so she nods.

Jeremy takes a step forward. And another. And another. Until he’s standing right in front of Michael. When Michael finally looks up, Jeremy is right there taking up any space he had left, and it’s too late for him to move away.

In one movement, Jeremy is tilting Michael’s head up slightly and brushing their lips together. 

It’s gentle and so soft and after a moment Michael unfreezes, closes his eyes, and loosens his stance.

Michael falls into Jeremy like he’s coming home. Melts into the way Jeremy brushes a finger across his wrist and shivers when he grasps his hips to pull him closer, until they are nothing but each other: no longer Michael and Jeremy but  _ MichaelandJeremy _ . 

Michael doesn’t move much at first, let's Jeremy move him however he wants and keeps his eyes pressed tightly shut like he’s afraid if he opens them this will all disappear, but eventually he moves his shaking hands from his sides and cups Jeremy’s face so gently as if he’s made of glass - at this point though, they both are as likely to break, both as likely to be the fragile glass they treat each other as - pulling him closer.

Jeremy makes a noise, high pitch and hushed, and suddenly Michael surges forward like he’s starving for it. Like he’s dying of thirst and Jeremy’s a waterfall.

They’re beautiful like this, she thinks, heart aching and something inside of her breaking. So beautiful like this, wrapped up in each other like the world doesn’t matter. The faint glow of the TV illuminating their silhouettes the as they move further into each other, every breath quiet, every touch reverent and much too overdue.

She’s closest to the exit she realizes. She could cut it all off. Let them happy here and together and just subtract herself from the already too complicated equation. They both deserve each other, and there’s still too many questions of whether she would ever really fit.

It’s almost as though he’s read her mind when Michael pulls back from Jeremy, just enough to reach forward and grab her arm, pull her closer and into them. She falls onto Michael’s chest half facing both of them.

This close she can see the faint blush on Jeremy’s cheeks brushing lightly across his freckles, and the light sheen of saliva on Michael’s lips. 

Belatedly, she realizes she doesn’t know what to do. Not with these two beautiful boys in front of her, so in love with each other already - and what would she have to offer anyway, and would it ever be enough to compare to what they already have between them, what if she became an interference, what if they leave her when she’s already given them all of herself - but this time it’s Jeremy who senses her distress.

Jeremy who pulls her closer into him and leans down to kiss her, lips brushing just enough to where she can already taste where Michael has been, and it sparks something else in her. She grips the front of his shirt to pull him closer, and leans back into Michael who still has a firm grasp on her arm. 

When Michael’s hands move to her waist as he leans forward to kiss Jeremy’s neck, and Jeremy’s lips brush against her’s again, something shoots up her spine and something connects in her brain. 

She thinks - as she's kissing Jeremy, backing further against Michael and feels his breathe on her cheek and he kisses Jeremy everywhere he can reach - she may have finally found it.

Home, she thinks, curling herself further in as they all move together, in two hearts.

.

It’s not easy, not at first and not soon after - there’s a lot of history to dig through and sort and plenty of things that need to be hashed out and sometimes it all gets to be a bit much - but nothing ever is and she knows they can figure it out: together. Because she’s determined to let them all be happy, to love and feel the way they want and need and should.

Because they deserve it: Jeremy deserves to be appreciated and know people care about and love him, Michael deserves to be cherished and cared for and happy, and she deserves to have people she knows love and appreciate her and won’t let her go if she fails. 

They all deserve to have what they want, and what they want is each other.

And there is no way she’s letting anyone take this from them.

It's a few weeks after, in between Michael's terrible pun and Jeremy's groan and the way they both turn to smile at her when she laughs, that she's knows. 

_ Yeah _ , her mind sighs, still repeating the sound of their laughter in unison,  _ we can do this _ . 

_ We can definitely do this.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments and Kudos are much appreciated! I'm on tumblr as rhymesofblue if u wanna chat abt these cuties!


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